Van Gogh and judgement

Hey you guys!

I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. In all honesty, my weekend was alright. It’s never great though. I usually say it is but I’m done with that mess.

Living in this studio may seem wonderful to some but to me it is living in death.

I may have Epilepsy but I’m not dead.

Plus, having Epilepsy isn’t a death sentence anymore. I’ve lived with it for 33yrs.

If I didn’t have fans, if I didn’t have posts to make, etc. I would be so negative as to say living here were hell on earth.

In other words and being very truthful you all keep me alive. Few write me etc. but you still keep me alive.

Plus, who’s to say that won’t change? One can hope right!?

Once this house was absolutely beautiful. My grandfather took care of it and everything here was great! If it were like it was at that time, I’d love living here but it’s not like that anymore. Living here makes each day hard and I’d move in a heartbeat if possible.

I don’t just have my health, the fact that this house is falling apart, etc. to deal with but many in my family are hugely mentally ill.

I’m also an abuse & rape survivor, although I don’t know why they say survivor because truth be told you never truly get over some things. They change you and make it harder to trust, etc. Especially if your society won’t even acknowledge them. In those cases, it only adds onto trauma because it’s obvious that some are willing to ignore pain. It’s almost as if you’re nolonger human and treated as if you mean nothing.

Still, there are roses and that fact can bring a smile.

Many things have traumatized me and caused multiple problems. Only a fool would think otherwise because there has been Scientific proof that trauma does infact bother the body and can infact cause a physcal reaction.

I can’t say that I’ll ever fully get over some of the things done to me in this location. I honestly have a suspicion that if I weren’t living under such stress, I wouldn’t even have panic attacks.

Knowing that may be true is even more traumatizing because it makes me wonder why my family wouldn’t want me to live somewhere else? I may live longer if I were living somewhere else, I wonder does that matter to them?

My panic attacks started after the fire, which is proof that they are infact emotional reactions. They are mainly caused when around people who remind me of emotional and traumatic situations. It’s as if my body bottles up the feeling of crying; only for it to come out in a panic attack.

Seizures controlled by meds, yes but panic attacks no.

Only the money that a paying job could provide me with, could infact buy my freedom.

In reality having the choice of who your driver is, etc. usually costs money.

I admit that I put on a smile and go on anyway because the show must go on. I try to stay positive because the show must go on.

I’m not one to cry about my situation and besides crying doesn’t help me much.

Might as well smile and hope the pain doesn’t shine through.

Plus, how will there be proof that I can infact work, if I cry and give up?

I go on nomatter how I feel because I was taught that if I cry, etc. it will only make me feel worse, etc. I honestly believe that is true to an extent.

Shoot! I’ve even had surgery to have my toenail removed and didn’t make a sound. That was EXTREMELY PAINFUL! Those who work on feet, seriously need to clean what they use because it can honestly make life extremely hard for people. That was pain beyond words but I couldn’t get myself to cry even in THAT much pain. The nurse kept telling me that it was ok if I did cry, but I still couldn’t.

I had also been told that when I cried at funerals it was embarrassing so I just did not feel right screaming, yelling or making any sort of sound.

It DID prove to me that I can put up with some VERY SERIOUS pain. I don’t know if that’s so good though.

I still think that crying is ok but it often does make a headache, etc. worse.

Moving on, I saw a video about Vincent Van Gogh that was EXTREMELY interesting!

You can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7-v3RvNjWw&t=1s

Why was it so interesting you ask?

Well, for multiple reasons but one was because it didn’t make such a big thing of his being Epileptic.

Thank you for such honest and outstanding information! I highly recommend this channel because it’s just amazing.

It did put Epilepsy among many other things that could have been a reason for Van Goghs actions. I think that’s truthful though.

To me, although Epilepsy can not be ruled out. Van Goghs actions say very little about Epilepsy and everything about a mental illness. Nobody has actual proof of his having Epilepsy to my knowledge. As noted in that video, there was only one time when he was put in a hospital bed and tied down. There was no note of his being conscious or uncoscious during that time that I am aware of. There was no note of his having what at the time would have been called an epileptic fit.

Personally, I think that it’s more likely that he was majorly mentally ill.

I think it’s a HUGE belittlement to those like myself that money was made from a theory of his having Epilepsy. What do YOU think?

Please note that the actions/judgement of others overtime is a society issue and not the fault of only one person.

As this video shows, he could have had multiple things.I think this video is astounding because it does NOT just assume Epilepsy.

Assuming Epilepsy can create judgement of those like myself and is a huge mistake. Judgement would explain why so many don’t even say that they have Epilepsy publicly.

We know that we will be judged for it. Even those who say publicly that they do not judge, will infact judge. I mean, all ya gotta do is look at my experience and know that I must be judged.

Why would someone with soo much experience not have multiple opportunities to work if they weren’t judged? Why would someone who knows people locally not have one local comment in support of their work when they’ve had a site up for years, if they were not judged by someone?

I have no paying local job, no local offers, etc. either.

I am mainly given judgement!

Many simply have said that Van Gogh had Epilepsy but it was all due to a theory one person had.

A theory is just that, a theory. If there is no actual proof, how can anyone know for sure? It may be right but it just may be wrong as well.

Epilepsy does not make people cut off their ear. Epilepsy does not create many of the inappropriate behaviours that he had! Assuming so is putting those with Epilepsy in a category that they should not be in. Assuming Epilepsy alone creates those issues is judging and judging is wrong.

Epilepsy does not cause hallucinations in all cases either and in many cases only medications that come with those side-effects can create hallucinations. Everyone knows that medications DO infact come with side-effects. When or if a person is able to be taken off of them, they will nolonger suffer in such inhumane ways. Not that having seziures is humane either but sadly nobody on earth chose for those with Epilepsy to have it.

All illnesses, etc. are beyond anyone on this earth. All we can do is deal the best way possible.

As noted in the video Van Gogh also ate his paint, etc. and REALLY just did some strange things that would obviously effect his health. Those with Epilepsy do not do that. That is a mental health issue. It’s idiotic to assume that those with Epilepsy would all do that.

Who would eat paint anyway? Toothpaste maybe because it wouldn’t taste as bad and even THAT would be a HUGE mistake!

That’s what some HUGELY mentally ill people do though.

A society, etc. that would judge that way; is a society etc. that is completely false and rather screwy.

Epilepsy is a physical illness. It’s not a mental illness. Plus, he was in the hospital, if he truly had Epilepsy, a professional should prove it by showing documents that noted it. If there are no such documents, his having Epilepsy is nothing but an assumption that people have made money off of for years.

Ask a Neurologist, Epilepsy comes in many different forms. Some seizures really don’t do much of anything and just make people stare off.

Either way, something tells me Van Gogh didn’t want to be known for Epilepsy or Mental Illness but for his art.

The health of an artist should not define their art. ~Angela Taylor

Lastly, I wanted to share my substack page! I would love for you to visit it. I will be talking a bit about Egypt again in it… You can find it at

https://mstaylor.substack.com/p/talking

Congratulations to all Grammy winners. Thank you for standing up for the arts!

Until next time.

Namaste,

Angela